I’ve never fully explained my thoughts about love. My belief about love can be summed up in this one phrase:

Love is not an emotion or a feeling, it is an act of the will.

The common understanding of love generally covers the way someone feels: from queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion. I have a number of problems with this type of love.

• First, in order to exist love is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. As long as a couple is enjoying a romantic situation, love can thrive. But, as soon as hurtful words or actions appear, love simply evaporates.
• Second, love is held captive to each person’s perception. For example, if someone perceives a particular quiet evening dinner with candles to be romantic, love will thrive. However, passion becomes squashed for someone whenever he or she interprets the current situation to be undesirable. Love therefore grows strong and then wastes away based upon our perceptions.

Although love at times might make us feel like we are on cloud nine, it cannot provide a reliable basis for building a deep and meaningful relationship since it is so fickle and dependent upon perception and circumstances. My understanding of love, though, is one where two people decide and commit to love one another, irrespective of the situation or circumstances. Obviously this hardly ever happens in today’s world, and this is why I don’t believe in love, the way it’s defined today. The love I believe in is one that is not limited to being held hostage by its environment and someone’s perception. It is a state of existence based upon the commitment of a decision. It entails the decision to proactively seek someone’s wellbeing. Since it is neither a knee jerk reaction nor just a responsive feeling to how I’ve been treated, this kind of love is capable of thriving in a hostile environment, where there are no warm fuzzy feelings.

So the kind of love I believe in has to do with serving others, more than it does with feelings. When someone’s entire being is dedicated to serving their partner, only then can it be said that that person is “in love”.

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